The Unexpected Lessons I Learned at My YTT
You’re going to learn a lot of valuable lessons at your yoga teacher training – especially off the mat.
When I got on my flight with just a duffel bag and my yoga mat to start my month long YTT, I knew I was in for an expansive journey, but I didn’t foresee the all-encompassing ways in which I’d grow. I was looking forward to practicing daily and learning more about yoga history and philosophy, but misjudged the routes the knowledge would take to reach me. The most important lessons I learned during my YTT didn’t take place during asana workshops or while reading textbooks. They were being integrated during the in-betweens – on the mornings I’d wake up when everyone else was still asleep to sit in contemplation in the shala alone and the long, silent walks I’d take around town on days off.
Yogas chitta vritti nirodha is Sanskrit for “yoga is the stilling or controlling of the modifications or fluctuations of the mind”. “Yoga Sutra 1.2 is the most important sutra”, our yoga teacher lead kept saying. “Because it’s the definition of yoga.” And it also became the definition of my YTT experience.
The true tests of my YTT took place outside the classroom and inside of me. Every moment of every day I was learning to confront the workings of my mind. I was being called to put what I was taught into practice. I was being shown how to make the lessons physical, tangible, lived. And this is where I faced my most challenging learning curves. Not when trying to balance on my hands or memorize the Sanskrit names of poses, but when applying the lessons off mat. I didn’t know that the most important education my YTT would give me would come in the form of life lessons and growing pains. I didn’t know that the most valuable things I would learn would come to me unexpectedly and subliminally, like a montage in a coming of age film.
I think nothing can completely prepare you for the wave of life lessons you encounter during a YTT. A YTT is an intensive experience that demands your full presence physically, mentally, and spiritually. Yoga is much more than asanas and meditation, and nothing demonstrates that better than immersing yourself in a YTT because some lessons can only be learned by living them. Here are some of the unexpected lessons I learned off the mat at my YTT!
Always lead with an open heart
I chose to stay in shared accommodations during my YTT despite having, sometimes crippling, social anxiety. And though I felt myself immediately regretting it the moment I walked into that room and spotted 6 beds laid out along the perimeter, I now know it’s the best thing I could have done for myself because it pushed me out of my comfort zone. If I wasn’t in an environment that forced me to chat with strangers each day from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep, I would have closed myself off from forming deeper connections with the people around me. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to trust and lean on others upon first meeting. I embraced vulnerability, recognizing pieces of myself in everyone around me. At graduation, the teachers had us line up facing each other and take turns walking down the line individually while everyone else whispered kind words into your ear. By the time I got to the end of the line, I was surprised to find myself crying, eagerly going in for a hug.
Sometimes you just need to slow down
In true Aries fashion, I hit the ground running at my YTT. For the first couple weeks, I’d wake up an hour before everyone to do my own meditation and stay late at the end of the day to practice, write, and study. Needless to say, my overeagerness combined with jet lag and lack of sleep quickly caught up to me. By the end of the second week, I was exhausted, burned out, and sick. My teachers and peers kept encouraging me to slow down and take it easy, but slowing down just wasn’t in my repertory. As an Aries, I’ve always struggled with doing too much, and it usually takes me burning out and crashing to realize that I’ve been ignoring signs from my body that what I need is to rest. Well, at my YTT, it wasn’t until I peed my pants, having disregarded the signs that I had a bladder infection (fever, fatigue, pain), that I realized I was pushing myself too hard. I had been telling myself that slowing down would mean I wasn’t being productive or making the most of what I was being taught, but knowing how and when to slow down was exactly the lesson that I was being called on to learn. Presented with the choice of powering through when I was running on empty versus listening to my body and honouring when I need to slow down, I was being taught the value of the latter. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do for yourself is to slow down.
The art of letting go and surrendering control
Most days of my YTT were spent doing Ashtanga, a pretty rigorous and physically demanding practice. However, one of the days, we were led through a yin yoga workshop, and although everyone else welcomed the slower paced, more gentle style of moving, I caught myself holding a lot of resistance. I struggled to let go and open myself up to receiving. And while lying in supta padangusthasana for an extended period of time, with nowhere else to go, my mind began to ask myself why I was fighting so hard against releasing. Why was it so hard for me to relax? In the clarity that only that stillness and silence could have given me, the answer came to me. I was afraid of letting go of control; I was threatened by its uncertainty. At that moment, it felt silly. What was the worst that could happen? Why was I holding on so tightly? As I gently began to let myself let go, I felt myself beginning to trust the process, disengaging from the illusion of control. Now, whenever I find myself clinging too hard, I am reminded that in order for things to flow freely, I need to allow them to — practicing the art of surrendering control.
How to embrace the present moment
During my YTT, I did a one day Vipassana meditation that opened my eyes to the distractions of time. During a Vipassana meditation, you’re supposed to refrain from communicating or engaging in media of any kind. Because I couldn’t check my phone, didn't wear a watch, and didn’t have clocks around me, I had no idea what time it was all day. Not being able to know the time was not something I even considered before going into the day, but ended up being what I struggled with the most. As I found myself wanting to constantly check the time throughout the day to determine if it was an appropriate time to go to bed or eat, I began to realize how much I let the numbers on the clock dictate my life. Time really is just a construct, a concept we created to make sense of change. The interesting thing is, when I gave myself over to not needing to know the time, I became no longer aware of the passing of time. And in this suspension of time, I had a feeling of peace because there was no before or after and no external distractions; there was just the present moment I was experiencing.
The most valuable lessons during a YTT are learned off the mat
The most valuable lessons I learned during my YTT were the ones that translated off the mat. Yes, anatomy, cueing, and sequencing are all tools I was able to apply in my teaching and personal practice. However, it’s the life lessons that I learned and was able to carry with me into my everyday life that I cherish so deeply because they encompass all that yoga is – a holistic lifestyle practice, not just movement and not just meditation. Not everyone goes into a yoga teacher training with the intention of teaching and that’s okay because you’ll be able to take the lessons you learn with you no matter where you go.